Innovator or a mud skipper carried on the back of the black dog?
On the dawn of the new year and the plans and hopes ahead. Thomas Delahunt reflects and asks the community of butterflies to respond. Using the poem “draw away to see”, the community is asked to give back a reflection on their present feelings. This will then allow for a poem to be constructed from these voices, images and words.
On the 31st of January I will stand up responding to MY name being called in the Cathedral, as a student graduating with a masters of science with distinction!!!!! I have completed three ultra-endurance events this year and continue to look for the spaces that exist between things. I give such gratitude to this nature of perseverance and pure belligerent determination.
It’s time to reflect on recent events. The Times Higher Education awards have been a wonderful catalyst for conversations and have extended the community for the butterfly flame. But at the same time, I felt very lost within a world imperceptible through chaos and anxiety. I always return at these points of overload to prose. I ask two questions of self. Who am I? Where am I? the reason is to look to gain perspective in the present state. I had to work very hard at this and the area of calm was given by Jung within the tree of life image.
So within this space of intended solace and calm through prose and art I was still asking the question why? I am not the innovator. They see me as this person not knowing I am just a mud skipper carried on the back of the black dog. This narrative is only displaced temporarily and I am always aware of how others must perceive self at these times of existential crisis.
The real true beauty is learning to be comfortable in this space of self-reflection and allowing the narrative to exist without it affecting or branding identity. What is the point of this blog post!! Don’t worry I hear you people……..
Within the work of Isabel Menzies Lyth (1988), where she completes an empirical study of the nursing service of a general hospital. I felt aware of the assertion that social systems can become a defence against personal anxiety. Within this work I was aware of the almost predictive abilities that the conclusions had with subsequent FT hospital failures and suggested omissions and neglect in delivery of care. This work and many other made up the central argument in my masters ‘stop the clocks’ which looked at perceptions of the terms resilience and mindfulness from the perspective of the institution. I was left in no doubt that we are not yet truly understanding or engaging with the values and needs of the individual within the hospital setting. The staff are experiencing traumas alongside the patients. The question that resounded in my mind was who cares?
This blog and piece of prose is intended to develop and invite questions and discussions around images, that are drawn forward as a result of you being asked to ‘draw away to see’. When you go to an art gallery, at times the images and pieces are on varying sizes of canvas and therefore, to sometimes appreciate the extent of the image you move backwards instinctively to appreciate the whole. We do this with patients in advanced clinical consultation when we ask the learner to complete a global overview. Why? because at times its just important in life to take a step back and reflect ahead of taking a step forward.
So, I ask for you to read this piece of prose and respond if, and only if you would like to…
Oh and welcome to the community of Butterfly flames. You are loved and valued as you are…
Draw away to see,
The demise of self to find,
Draw away now,
as if drifting back to sleep,
Through all those memories that you have,
All those experiences.
Tell me what is it,
What memory do you fix upon?
Like the roulette wheel
What number is found,
where does the cognitive rest,
Tumbling and bouncing through the subconscious.
What’s the memory that makes you most happy,
Warm, contented, touched, safe.
Where are you rested now?
Like a leaf fallen and blown by an autumnal wind,
Draw away now
Go to that place that makes you feel warm,
Under the duvet on a Sunday morning
Knowing you have nothing to do
Rolling back into the embrace of a lover
Being tugged at by a kite string as a child,
Wondering could it really lift you to fly,
Where does the true self reside?
In the cracks between Ego, Humility, pride awareness, consciousness, experience,
I can’t tell you.
But I can offer you the premise of play,
The light of joy for the soul
So, put on that warm familiar jumper,
Those weekend ‘no one will see’ clothes,
Reside in front of an open fire when mother nature reminds us of our insignificance,
As we are like a conscious thread within the fabric of time,
My passionate plea is just,
Draw together now,
make that celestial tapestry of consciousness, rich, varied and challenging,
Each star in the sky, each grain of sand,
Is vital within the consciousness of change,
Hesse, Tolle, Brunton, Freud, Jung, Schopenhauer, Bill.
I know Bill,
On first name terms,
All act as beacons of light,
All these lights allow us to navigate within the dark,
Or as Nietzsche would suggest stare into the void and ask the question
The cloud of unknowing is something society has settled on as fact,
So, I ask you to move on from this,
Draw away now in you minds
Close your eyes,
Go to that place of complete happiness.
Write it down,
This is what others see as innovation,
I see it as celestial consciousness,
The compassion shown,
When someone looks deep into your eyes,
And asks you for vulnerability.
That feeling when someone who truly knows you,
Cuddles you and doesn’t let you go,
All these things lead us to feelings of an experience,
If you believe, as I do that all living things that can illicit experience have a consciousness,
Then the world is a truly beautiful tapestry of wonder,
No matter your belief
Your stumbling blocks
Your spiritual perspective
We all carry something
What debt do you have to pay?
What is it that holds you back
Draw away now,
Draw back to that place,
So, the question that resides is,
Are you willing to listen?
Are you willing to consider alternatives?
Are you willing to live on the fringe?
On the edge of chaos,
To make a camp on the boarders of your truths,
Draw away to see.
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