When I think about lockdown and what I have accomplished, I’ve achieved a lot. Two weeks in and I had become a finalist in the Miss London Competition- as part of Miss England (dw its a lot less vain than you might think, there’s sustainability and charitable rounds and it is based on credit not looks); I have set up a charity fundraiser online which supports disadvantaged children and raised over £100 by getting people to do challenges; I have been more mindful and interacted with nature more, and I have even convinced my family to recycle more. But I can’t help to feel like I could’ve done more; I am now stagnant. Where everyone has become less busy, I still seem to be chasing the clock to get things done and in the process, feeling far less adequate than my 8am waking, full on workout doing, healthy eating, perfect posing peers I see prancing all over instagram. But why?! Ive done a lot! Plus I am healthy too (mostly lol if you don’t count the amount of mini eggs I have eaten over Easter…those things are like kryptonite)!
I think thats why mindfulness is so important. Everyone keeps saying just take a step back from it all. But like how far? Too far and you run the risk of anxiety, not far enough and you tire yourself out. It’s all too confusing. Ive never been one to compare myself to others but it all just seems a little too much living in a cyber society. We all dress from the waist up, without showing the bigger picture, physically or mentally. Im finding practicing a little mindfulness helps though, reflecting and talking things through in my head and with others. For me mindfulness is being emerged in nature, focusing on your breathing and just relaxing so I try to add it in my day. Sometimes I even like to sit on the patio step in the evening when the sun goes down and the solar lights turn on, for me this makes me the most zen during lockdown. There’s something about the stone floor making you feel grounded as the birds and the trees communicate in the evening breeze. It all feels still and you feel a part of the world. But, I do have one issue with nature, and that is I suffer with bad hayfever and it is the worst pollen season in 70 years which really sucks.
But apart from that its not all gloomy for me in lockdown. For the first official week I was still living at uni, lockdown was still fresh and I was trying to be more productive. I even gave the Sport centre classes a go and no joke almost died. I could barely use the stairs after the first ‘legs bums and tums’ and it hurt to laugh for days but I felt mentally good. But If there’s anything I have learnt during this crucial first week in Lockdown is that we should all invest in a rave colour changing lightbulb. Why did it take 3 years of uni to discover these?! If you don’t have one, you have no idea what your missing out on! It is so much fun and turns your living room into Chem. We even had a strobe setting to play with. I will say however, it is a bit strange having blue ambient lighting at breakfast time though lol but once you’ve figured out the remote it is great!
Now living at home, Im spending more time with my family and 3 dogs, i’m saving money and i’m thinking about what I want for the future more, albeit not actively doing much about it; I am also cooking and trying new things and I am also continuing to work for the SGO. So there are many positives to this time trapped in. However I am still looking forward for the lockdown to end and for a little normality.