{"id":7314,"date":"2025-09-19T17:03:06","date_gmt":"2025-09-19T16:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.canterbury.ac.uk\/staffdevelopment\/?p=7314"},"modified":"2025-09-19T17:03:07","modified_gmt":"2025-09-19T16:03:07","slug":"how-can-i-support-myself-and-others-through-survivors-guilt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.canterbury.ac.uk\/staffdevelopment\/how-can-i-support-myself-and-others-through-survivors-guilt\/","title":{"rendered":"How can I&#8230;Support myself and others through survivor\u2019s guilt?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Two months on from the end of the formal Transformational Change Process, many of us are still navigating a complex emotional landscape. While some are adjusting to new team dynamics, others are grappling with a quieter, less visible emotion: <strong>survivor\u2019s guilt<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p>You might be asking yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201cHow can I support my team when I\u2019m struggling too?\u201d<br>\u201cWhy do I feel guilty when I didn\u2019t make the decisions?\u201d<br>\u201cHow do I help people move forward without dismissing what\u2019s been lost?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>These are valid questions. Survivor\u2019s guilt is a natural response to change, especially when it involves loss of colleagues, relationships, routines, and a sense of stability. It can show up as sadness, anxiety, or even a reluctance to embrace new opportunities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some practical ways to support yourself and your team:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>1. Name it, normalise it<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Survivor\u2019s guilt is real. Naming it helps reduce the stigma and opens the door for honest conversations. You don\u2019t need to have all the answers, just acknowledging that this is a shared experience can be powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Use team meetings or Positive Performance Conversations to gently check in.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Share that mixed emotions are expected and valid.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Avoid rushing to \u201cfix\u201d feelings, sometimes being heard is enough.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>2. Create space for reflection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>People may be processing the departure of close colleagues or the impact of change on their role. Give them permission to reflect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Encourage journaling, coaching, or peer conversations.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Use Positive Performance Conversations to explore how people are feeling, not just what they\u2019re doing.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Consider team reflections to reflect on what\u2019s changed and what\u2019s needed going forward. The <strong>Team Canvas<\/strong> is a great starting point for this, <a href=\"https:\/\/stafflearn.canterbury.ac.uk\/course\/view.php?id=1762\"><strong>join the workshop<\/strong><\/a> or access the resources on the <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/stafflearn.canterbury.ac.uk\/totara\/dashboard\/index.php?id=127\">Leadership and Management Toolkit<\/a>.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>3. Rebuild purpose and connection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Guilt can make people feel disconnected or undeserving of new opportunities. Help them reconnect with their purpose and value (again\u2026.the Team Canvas can really help with this).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Revisit team goals and individual strengths.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Celebrate small wins and contributions.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Invite people to shape the future, ask what they want to be part of next.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>4. Support yourself first<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As a manager, you may be carrying your own guilt, for staying, for making decisions, or for not being able to protect others. You\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve had team members say they feel lucky to still have a job, but also uneasy, like they\u2019re not sure how to be positive when others didn\u2019t get that chance. It\u2019s a strange mix of gratitude and guilt, and I\u2019ve felt it myself too.\u201d (Manager, CCCU)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Talk to peers, <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/cccu.canterbury.ac.uk\/hr-and-od\/organisational-and-people-development\/coaching-and-mentoring\/coaching-and-mentoring.aspx\">request a mentor<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/outlook.office365.com\/book\/OrganisationalandPeopleDevelopment@cccu.onmicrosoft.com\/?ismsaljsauthenabled=true\">book a coaching conversation<\/a><\/strong> or use <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/cccu.canterbury.ac.uk\/staff-wellbeing-and-mental-health\/support\/cic-employee-support.aspx\">Spectrum Life<\/a>.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Reflect on what you need to feel grounded and supported.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Model self-compassion, it gives others permission to do the same.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>5. Keep the conversation going<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Survivor\u2019s guilt doesn\u2019t disappear overnight. It may resurface during anniversaries, restructures, or when new people join.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Check in regularly, not just once.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Be mindful of language, avoid \u201cmoving on\u201d and instead talk about \u201cmoving forward.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Stay curious about how people are feeling and what they need.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You can\u2019t control how everyone feels about the process or the decisions made. But you can influence how people feel now, by showing empathy, creating space, and helping them find meaning in what comes next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you or your team need support, remember there\u2019s a range of resources available internally which I\u2019ve linked to throughout. There are also some great external resources such as this article in <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hrmagazine.co.uk\/content\/insights\/how-to-talk-to-employees-experiencing-survivor-s-guilt\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" title=\"\">HR Magazine: How to Talk to Employees Experiencing Survivor\u2019s Guilt<\/a>. <\/strong>It offers practical advice for both managers and HR professionals on acknowledging emotions, building resilience, and maintaining morale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Harriet Robb, Learning and Organisational Development Team<\/strong><br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Two months on from the end of the formal Transformational Change Process, many of us are still navigating a complex emotional landscape. While some are adjusting to new team dynamics, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":136217,"featured_media":7318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1138,10],"tags":[270,13],"class_list":["post-7314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-can-i","category-leadership","tag-change","tag-leadership"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"authorName":"Juliet Flynn","featuredImage":"https:\/\/blogs.canterbury.ac.uk\/staffdevelopment\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/602\/2025\/09\/dog.jpg","postExcerpt":"Two months on from the end of the formal Transformational Change Process, many of us are still navigating a complex emotional landscape. 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