\u201cMum my, am I fat?\u201d says my daughter, all of seven, regarding herself in the bath. She doesn\u2019t know it yet but body fascism is my wife\u2019s darkest fear. The thought of a little girl worrying about weight evokes a response like that of a vampire facing a crucifix or Lady Gaga being asked to wear a twinset.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo darling you\u2019re not, and it\u2019s a silly thing to worry about\u201d, my wife replies with admirable (though bogus) insouciance. After a couple of minutes of intense debate the crisis is over and worries about the Messages Kids Get Today are, at least temporarily, averted.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou promise you\u2019re telling me the total, absolute truth Mum?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course sweetheart. I\u2019ll never lie to you when you ask me for the truth. Cross my heart and soak my sleeve in this bubble bath.\u201d<\/p>\n
I slip out of the room, failing to hear the scream of a gigantic hostage to fortune being abducted right beside me.<\/p>\n
Halfway down the stairs the other shoe drops.<\/p>\n
\u201cMum, tell me the truth. Are the fairies really coming?\u201d<\/p>\n
Long pause\u2026<\/p>\n
My son is already demanding story-time and milk but I am paralysed, watching my wife trying to make her mouth move.<\/p>\n
In the last few months the Tooth Fairy has been working overtime at our house. Though we sometimes worry about encouraging this too much (and about the hyperinflation which seems to have occurred in the return for teeth) we also can\u2019t help but find it charming. As long ago as the 1970 the psychoanalyst\u00a0Bruno Bettelheim<\/a>\u00a0pronounced such fantasies officially OK. Believing in magic apparently ‘helps’ master the psychological problems of growing up-overcoming narcissistic disappointments, Oedipal dilemmas, sibling rivalries; becoming able to relinquish childhood dependencies; gaining a feeling of selfhood and of self-worth, and a sense of moral obligation’. Belief in magic also provides an interesting insight in to children\u2019s\u2019\u00a0cognitive development<\/a>\u00a0and the acquisition of causal linkage and other fairly abstract abilities.\u00a0Of course they grow out of it (at least\u00a0up to a point<\/a>). I\u2019ve realised now though that the trouble with fairies is actually that I might not be ready for the moment when they get the push.<\/p>\n The question is still hanging. My wife (and this is like watching someone downing but beyond help) takes a huge gulp of air and opts for truth. There was a lot more. Like a car accident, you don\u2019t need to know all the details. Santa was still intact by the end of it but that was about all. She seemed sad but accepting. We were given strict instructions not to eat the Tuc biscuit left for the fairies on the kitchen table. In the morning, we heard feet hammering down the stairs, then back up again.<\/p>\n \u201cMum, Dad, it\u2019s still there. The fairies aren\u2019t real!\u201d Followed, finally, by tears. And I don\u2019t just mean from my daughter.<\/p>\n So what do you do when your child asks, really asks, for the truth? Perhaps close your eyes, clap, and wish with all your heart that they\u2019d waited till they were a bit older.<\/p>\n A version of this article originally appeared in Viva Lewes<\/a> and it is reproduced with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n